I have been married to my husband for 25 years. He has two children from his first marriage. Kai who is 28, and Mia is 27. My husband’s first marriage ended during the pregnancy with Mia when his ex moved another man into their home. She told my husband to leave and she was planning to marry the other guy. A DNA test was done when Mia was born, and another was done on Kai later, custody was decided and the divorce was finalized when Mia was still a baby. I met him 6 months later and we married after a year together.
My relationship with my stepkids breaks my heart. I love them, I have always tried to be a respectful and loving stepparent who doesn’t talk bad about their mom, overstep my place or assume they would love me the same as their parents. But I hoped we would be close. They have been rude or distant and cold. But I loved them regardless and my husband took the lead with them. When my husband and I had our own two children together they did not bond with them but we still hoped time and therapy would help some kind of relationship form.
Now my stepson is due to get married. He told my husband our kids were not invited since it was a child free wedding. But then he told me what I could not wear (because the two mothers were going to match the theme and I am not counted in that), that I would not be given a corsage to wear so people would know I was not one of the parents, he said I would not be mentioned in any of the toasts, I was not welcome to give a toast, that the photos with the parents and immediate family would not include me and after my husband asked him why he was making such a big deal out of this he said I needed to know my place and then admitted he didn’t even want me there. So I made the decision not to attend and instead stay home with my children. I have reached a breaking point where I just no longer see a future where we might get along better and clearly I am not wanted at all. But my husband’s family are furious and say I was invited so I should go.
AITA?
‘AITA for no longer making or helping make a whole second meal for my stepson?’
Hello, fellow parents! I wanted to share a situation I’ve been facing with my stepson and get some perspectives. I have two children of my own, aged 16 and 12, and we live with my partner. Currently, my partner’s son (let’s call him CJ), who is 12, is staying with us for the summer.
CJ has a unique relationship with food. If he decides he doesn’t like something without even trying it, he would rather go hungry. It seems like his mom and grandma, who he normally lives with, introduced him to only three foods and never bothered to introduce him to anything else. At their home, if he’s hungry, they drop whatever they are doing to make one of the three meals he likes.
However, at my house, when I make dinner, I make one meal for everyone. I usually spend a lot of time cooking from scratch, and by the time I’m done, I’m exhausted and too hot to make something else entirely. But if someone doesn’t like what I’ve made, I always tell them they are welcome to make themselves something else.
My 16-year-old son will eat pretty much anything, and my 12-year-old daughter doesn’t mind making herself a sandwich if she doesn’t like what I’ve cooked. But CJ is different. He looks at the meal I’ve prepared, without even trying it, and demands that I make him something else. The first time this happened, I told him he could make himself some chicken nuggets in the microwave. He claimed he didn’t know how, so I showed him at least three times. But each time, he came up with excuses like “I forgot how.”
Our microwave is not complicated to use at all. You simply put the food in, enter the correct numbers for the time, and hit start. The fourth time he said he couldn’t do it, I told him to figure it out. He then said, “It’s not my job. Making food is a girl’s job.” I responded by telling him that he can treat his mom and grandma like personal slaves, but in our house, I am no one’s slave, and I would not be helping him anymore in the future.
My partner, CJ’s dad, overheard this and had a different approach. He told CJ that he is no longer allowed to have a different meal and that he has to try whatever is made for dinner because it’s not okay to treat others, especially women, like that.
Most of the time, CJ actually likes about 75% of the meals I make. However, on nights when I make something new for him, he outright refuses to try it and will sit at the table for 2 hours before even attempting it. By that time, the food is cold and unappetizing. His dad insists that he finishes at least half of anything served, but CJ takes tiny bites and prolongs the mealtime.
So, am I in the wrong for no longer making a whole different meal for him? My dinners are usually pretty normal, like spaghetti and meatballs, steak and potatoes, chicken and noodles. The “weirdest” thing I’ve made is gyros. AITA?
Let’s see what internet users had to say.
- riskie writes: NTA – Weaponized incompetence. He’s so used to being catered to that it’s become what he expects. He’s more than old enough to be able to make himself something.
- daunvalient writes: NTA but talk to his dad about the keeping him at the table thing. I don’t think that’s recommended for toddlers, let alone tweens – better to just let him go hungry a couple nights until he figures out how to cook for himself. You could also try family cooking nights to transition the kids into cooking one night a week each. Would ease the burden for you and set them up with skills for life! If it gets fun enough even the picky eater could come around, maybe. Good luck!
- moonqueen85 writes: NTA HOWEVER I don’t at all agree with your husband. Yes, CJ should have to take a bite (a decent bite) of whatever you make. But if he doesn’t like it, he should be allowed to make himself something else. That’s actually teaching him self-sufficiency, and I would argue is a more important lesson.
