As parents, we constantly worry about the health and well-being of our children. Even when they grow up and become adults, we still lose sleep over them. A recent study conducted by Amber J. Seidel of Pennsylvania State University, which followed 186 families, found that parents continue to worry about their adult children. This is not surprising, as caring for our children is deeply ingrained in us.
Seidel is interested in how families interact with each other as their children grow into adulthood. While society tends to focus on families with younger children, she believes it’s important to understand the dynamics of family relationships as children become adults. The findings of her study, published in The Gerontologist, shed light on this topic.
The study used a scale of one to eight to measure the level of support parents believe they offer their adult children. One represented daily interaction and support, while eight represented support offered once a year. Support was broadly defined to include financial assistance, emotional support, and regular visits.
The study also measured the level of stress experienced by parents on a scale of one to five, with five representing the highest level of stress. It was found that mothers slept for an average of 6.66 hours per night, while fathers got slightly more with 6.69 hours. The survey and measurements were then compared.
The results revealed that fathers lose sleep when they take the initiative to support their adult children, especially when it involves financial or emotional support. They even found that frequent discussions about daily activities can be exhausting for fathers.
On the other hand, mothers experience stress that affects their sleep regardless of whether they themselves or the father provide the support. The research suggests that the act of physically supporting adult children drains fathers, while mothers are more affected by the stress of worrying about their children.
Interestingly, fathers do not lose sleep if the mothers provide the support. It appears that fathers may not feel as much stress when it comes to their adult children, or perhaps they are simply unaware of their children’s struggles. This research indicates that parents remain highly involved in their children’s lives even as they grow older, supporting the idea of “helicopter parents” who are constantly aware of their child’s well-being.
The constant communication facilitated by smartphones can add to the stress parents feel. While it allows for constant connection, it can also become overwhelming. Furthermore, being exposed to their adult child’s life through social media can lead parents to offer support. This puts fathers in the same position, as they become more inclined to provide assistance if they see their adult child struggling online.
Fortunately, there are ways to cope with the constant stress of having adult children. Stress is a normal part of life, but how we respond to it can make a difference. Seidel suggests that parents analyze the type of support they offer. Are they enabling their child’s negative behavior? Are they trying to control their child? Or are they simply giving their adult child the freedom to live their own life while offering unconditional support?
It’s important to understand that not all types of support are beneficial. Letting go of control and not enabling negative behavior can help reduce stress. Trust your child enough to allow them to live their own unique life, and offer support only when they seek advice or find themselves in a difficult situation. This can help alleviate the pressure on parents.
Remember to also take care of yourself. Worrying about your child, regardless of their age, is normal. But taking steps to reduce stress can benefit both you and your child. Eating well and exercising regularly have been shown to reduce stress and contribute to a longer, healthier life. It’s also important to limit the use of substances such as alcohol, drugs, and caffeine, as they can increase stress levels. Talking to a close friend or therapist can provide a sense of connection and support. And don’t be afraid to take some “me time” to work on yourself and strengthen your ability to support others.
Finally, help spread the word about this study and what can be done to reduce stress by sharing it on social media. By raising awareness, we can support other families facing similar challenges and contribute to a healthier and happier future for everyone.
