All of us have encountered individuals with narcissistic tendencies in the past. If you’re really unlucky, you’ve had to deal with working with or dating a true narcissist. But did you know that narcissism frequently begins as a toddler? So, as parents, what can we do to prevent unintentionally raising a narcissistic child?

Parenting is difficult, and no one is trying to place blame here or say that parents are solely responsible for their child’s development into a narcissistic adult. We understand that there are many factors that shape who a child becomes. However, there are certain behaviors that parents can avoid in order to prevent raising a narcissist.

Here are 8 things parents should avoid doing:

1. Overindulgence

Narcissistic children are often given everything they want, and no one ever says no to them. They don’t learn that other people have needs too, or that they should be considerate of others’ feelings. It’s fun to indulge your children every once in a while, but it’s important to maintain balance. Just as you shouldn’t say “no” all the time, you certainly shouldn’t give in to their every whim and desire. Especially when those wants might hurt someone else or make their life more difficult.

2. Excessive focus on appearance

Good-looking children are often praised for their looks from a very young age. This can breed a focus on superficiality and the feeling that they deserve things simply because society deems them attractive. Instead of solely focusing on their looks and making that a reason why they “deserve” something, let’s shift the focus onto their actions. Teach them that hard work, kindness, and curiosity about the world are what truly matter. Looks are not everything.

3. Allowing the child to dictate their own rules

While independence and autonomy are important for children, so are boundaries set by adults. Narcissistic children are often allowed to make up their own rules with no consequences when they break them. They even get rewarded for being selfish or mean. This teaches them that it’s okay for them to do whatever they want with no repercussions. This can lead to problems when they grow up and realize that other people have feelings too.

4. Failing to enforce appropriate discipline

Narcissistic children lack respect and empathy for others. They are often spoiled and have no regard for others or their property. This can cause difficulties later in life when they are expected to work with others in a professional setting.

5. Not acknowledging their own negative behaviors

Children look up to their parents and mimic their behavior. If parents fail to reflect on their own actions and behaviors, children will copy them. For example, how parents handle difficult situations like poor service at a restaurant or lost luggage at the airport. Reacting calmly and treating people with respect teaches children appropriate responses to these situations. On the other hand, lashing out, getting upset, yelling, or demeaning people around you teaches your child the wrong behaviors. After all, how can we expect our child to learn emotional intelligence if we don’t embody it ourselves?

6. Not validating your child’s emotions

Children, especially young ones, lack perspective in many situations. What might seem small to adults may be a big deal for them. Ignoring their feelings or telling them their emotions don’t matter teaches them that what they feel is wrong, ultimately leading to the development of unhealthy behaviors. It’s important to validate their emotions. When your child expresses a “negative” emotion such as anger or sadness, mirror their feelings and then validate them. Show them that you see and understand their emotional state. Let them know that their feelings are worth talking about if they feel ready to do so.

7. Not stopping your child when they display narcissistic behavior

Validating your child’s emotions doesn’t mean letting them get away with poor behavior. It’s important to address their actions and teach them empathy. For example, if your child throws a tantrum in a grocery store, ask them what happened, how they’re feeling, and how their reaction might make the other person or people feel. This helps them understand the impact of their actions on others, even when they’re upset.

8. Overvaluing your child

While it’s essential to encourage and appreciate your child, be careful not to put them on a pedestal. Teaching them that they are superior to others often leads to lashing out and aggression when they don’t get what they want. It’s important to teach them humility and respect for others.

In conclusion, parenting is tough. The best thing you can do as a parent is to work on your own emotional intelligence. By being emotionally intelligent yourself, you are taking the best step towards raising emotionally intelligent children. So, let’s prioritize our own emotional growth, and in doing so, we won’t have to worry about raising narcissistic children.