Let’s be honest, sometimes life with a partner can feel like a series of never-ending questions—most of which have no winning answers. And when you’ve been hitched for years, these questions evolve into a whole other level of comedy and tragedy. Join Karen, our resident queen of dark humor, as she explains why some conversations with your spouse are just, well, hilarious disasters waiting to happen.
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: Yes
Wife: Shut up! Don’t you ever dare talk to me again!!
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: No
Wife: Liar.
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: Maybe
Wife: Can you ever be decisive?
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: I don’t know
Wife: Are you blind?
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: Depends
Wife: Oh, you’re comparing me with someone else?
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: *silence*
Wife: Are you deaf?
There are some questions for which there is no correct answer. For everything else, there is Google.
Here’s another gem:
Husband to Wife:
Husband: Tomorrow is your birthday. What gift would you like?
Wife: A Giraffe!
Husband: Darling, please be reasonable. Where do I get a giraffe from? Ask for something that’s possible for me.
Wife: Okay, then give up drinking. That you can do and I’ll accept it as a good gift.
So next day…
Husband: Here is the Giraffe.
Oh, but it doesn’t end there. The hilarity of married life is a gift that keeps on giving!
H – “Hello?”
W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
H – “Yes.”
W – “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”
H – “What’s the price?”
W – “Only $1,500.00.”
H – “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”
W – “Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price…and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”
H – “What price did he quote you?”
W – “Only $60,000…”
H – “OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options.”
W – “Great! But before we hang up, something else…”
H – “What?”
W – “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and…I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, an acre of park area, beachfront property.”
H – “How much are they asking?”
W – “Only $450,000 – a magnificent price…and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”
H – “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?”
W – “OK, sweetie…Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”
H – “Bye…I love you too…”
The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present:
“Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?”
See what I mean? Marriage is like walking through a minefield, but hey, at least we can laugh about it, right? Just remember, my dear readers, sometimes the best response is silence, and if all else fails, buy the darn giraffe.
Until next time, keep those stupid questions coming and know that Karen’s got your back with all that lovely, dark humor!
