Letters can be exciting, but sometimes they bring unwelcome news. And in this particular joke, a husband makes a dreadful error when he decides to break up with his wife through a “Dear John” letter. Instead of facing her in person, he chooses the cowardly way out. Little did he know, his wife had a letter to send to him too. Let’s enjoy this joke and learn a valuable lesson along the way.
Dear wife,
I’m writing you this letter to say that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good husband to you for seven years, and what do I have to show for it? Absolutely nothing. These past two weeks have been terrible.
To add insult to injury, your boss called me today to inform me that you quit your job. That was the last straw. Last week, I went out of my way to make you happy. I got a new haircut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. But you didn’t even notice. You devoured your meal in a mere two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching your soaps.
You never say you love me anymore. You don’t show any affection or desire for intimacy. Either you’re cheating on me or you simply don’t love me anymore. Whatever the case may be, I’m gone.
Your ex-husband,
P.S. Don’t bother trying to find me. Your sister and I are moving to West Virginia together! Have a fantastic life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Receiving your letter has made my day! It’s true that we were married for seven years, but calling yourself a “good man” is a stretch, to say the least.
I watch my soaps to drown out your constant whining and complaining. It’s a shame that it doesn’t work, though.
By the way, I did notice your haircut last week, but my first thought was, “You look just like a girl!” Following my mother’s wise advice, I chose not to utter a word.
And as for cooking my favorite meal, it seems you’ve mistaken me for my sister because I haven’t eaten pork in seven years.
Now, let’s talk about those silk boxers you wore. I turned away because I caught a glimpse of the $49.99 price tag. Mind you, it was quite the coincidence that my sister had borrowed $50 from me that very morning.
But despite all of this, I still loved you and believed we could work things out. So, when I won $10 million in the lottery, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. However, when I arrived home, you were nowhere to be found. It seems everything happens for a reason, I suppose. I genuinely hope you find the fulfilling life you’ve always wanted.
Oh, and just so you know, my lawyer informed me that your letter guarantees you won’t receive a dime from me. Take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich & Free!
