Having a baby is a profound and excruciating experience for any woman. So when my husband, Owen, tried to silence me during my natural birth, I was filled with anger. Each time I screamed, he whispered in my ear, “Can you stop screaming? You’re really embarrassing me.” His words hurt me deeply. How could he prioritize his embarrassment over my pain?
When we got home from the hospital, Owen confronted me with an odd formality. He said, “It is a woman’s duty to endure pain gracefully. I didn’t mean to upset you, but I think you could have handled it better.” I was taken aback by his lack of empathy and understanding. How could he not realize the immense pain, fear, and effort I had gone through to bring our baby into the world?
I finally spoke up, struggling to keep my voice steady. “Owen, do you have any idea what childbirth feels like? Do you understand the pain and the fear it involves?” I paused, not giving him a chance to respond. “You don’t. Yet, you thought it was appropriate to tell me to be quiet, to not embarrass you. Do you know how that made me feel?”
He looked remorseful, but I continued. “I was scared and in agony. Instead of supporting me, you made me feel ashamed for being human and expressing pain.” The weight of my words hung heavy in the room.
His face flushed with embarrassment, Owen finally admitted, “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was so focused on my own feelings that I didn’t consider yours. I promise to do better.”
As I took in his words, I felt a glimmer of hope. “I hope you mean that, Owen,” I said, my voice breaking. “Being a father means understanding and supporting your family, even in their most vulnerable moments.”
He nodded sincerely. “I do mean it. I want to learn, and I want to be there for you and our son in every way possible.”
In that moment, as we stood in the quiet of our home, I believed in the promise of a new beginning. It would take time for the hurt to heal, but Owen’s willingness to understand and change was a start. Together, we would build a partnership based on empathy, respect, and true support as we embarked on this new chapter as parents.
